all the eggshells
in this world, there are the landmines and the people who step on them. somehow i'm both of those things. how does one measure the correct response to something? how can one say what is correct and what isn't? sometimes, i just want to scream and cry and throw things. too much or too little. all or nothing. i want to do something i'll regret, and wallow in consequence.
the last thing i want is for people to feel like they're walking on eggshells around me, since i know how it feels to be in that position. being in both situations is just the worst. i routinely flip-flop between being on the receiving end and thinking, "this sucks!" and being on the explosive side and also thinking, "this sucks too!" it's like you can never win.
often i feel trapped in my brain and i get so caught up with what im thinking that my entire personality becomes incongruent with reality. does that make sense? do i make sense? am i reaching you? am i reaching you in a way that makes sense? i couldn't be normal if i tried and i learnt that the hard way. i'm making sense right? somebody just kiss me awake already.