i like thinking about the television
i watched and listened to a few people dying. i was procrastinating and i wanted to satiate my morbid curiosity. looked online if anyone has ever killed themselves live on tv.
the first case i read about was christine chubbuck. she was 29 year old a news anchor from sarasota florida who struggled with depression. here were the words she uttered from her own written script just before she committed suicide:
"in keeping with the wxlt practice of presenting the most immediate and complete reports of local blood and guts news, tv 40 presents what is believed to be a television first. in living color, an exclusive coverage of an attempted suicide."
her voice was unwavering and standard for television; clear and scripted. she didn't spare herself a second after finishing her sentence, pressing the revolver against her skull and killing herself in front of thousands. just hearing the audio was enough for the scene to appear so vividly in my head, as if i'd seen it for myself.
allegedly, because of her penchant for dark humor and ad libbing, the crew thought it was just some sick joke (which is kind of my worst fear, like what happened to tommy cooper... actually dying but people thinking it's part of the bit). she must've really felt like she had nothing to lose. rip christine, even though i don't know you and you died a few decades before i was born, you won't ever leave my mind.
the second video i watched was of robert dwyer. i don't know much about american politics so apologies, but from what i read he only killed himself to escape charges against him? isn't that the most cowardly thing you've heard yet? committing suicide to get out of hot water? i feel sorry for the people who had to witness that right there in front of their faces.
during a news conference, he kind of pulled out the revolver from a yellow envelope (really casually might i add) and was trying to calm everyone down. a lot of people were panicking... and if i recall correctly even some shouted something to the effect of "don't do it!" i think. anyways, he shoved the gun in his mouth and shot himself only a few seconds later. he slumped against the wall and a lot of blood was coming out of his nose. he dropped super quickly.
somehow down this rabbit hole, i found myself listening to the jonestown death tape. i had no idea jones recorded the meetings on tape. it was so surreal hearing him say such overt, narcissistic and manipulative things and having his victims cheer like that. the children crying and screaming and dying and dropping to the floor... i even heard one shout "i don't want to die!" which is just awful. we really aren't made to subject ourselves to such cruelty, are we?
it's one of the most forceful ways to put things into perspective. i ought to be grateful i'm not being tortured in some garage or blowing my brains out during 7 o'clock news. if you wanted thousands, millions to care (and or get traumatized) about your death, however, i'd think somehow doing it on some tourist destination or a gameshow would be best. i'd be lying if i said i wouldn't want that to be spread around if that were me. it would make headlines!