today is a very special day
i find it fascinating that not much is known about saint valentine. my prior knowledge of him is pretty minimal, honestly. according to me, anyway, he was a catholic saint that was persecuted for doing secret marriages (mostly between soldiers, when marriage was outlawed for them) and was martyred. i wonder if this is where the fascination with 'star crossed lovers' come from? there's something so beautiful about a love forced to bloom in secrecy. i know a thing or two about secrets, maybe not so much about love.
i never really cared much for valentines day until now. when you were a child, did you ever wander about the classroom as you placed your chocolates and candies and cards on each of your classmates desks? i remember it very well; the excited chattering, the rustling of paper bags and candy wrappers, all of it just makes me smile. just seven years old, yearning for an unveiled love—and somehow thinking i'd find it by sullenly following the wooden grain of my desk or counting the tiles on the pallid floor. child, it's right in front of you. you just have to look up.
sooner or later, the only valentine's gift i was given was a profound sense of loneliness that called from some abyss somewhere. eventually my desk would be littered with sweets and the rare haphazardly written card here and about, and the ungrateful child's response was this, "i know you're only being nice to me because you have to, or you'd get in big trouble." i'm glad you're finally catching on! all i wanted was to be involved.
nowadays, the numbers don't matter as long as you have friends that love you. regardless, im happy. everyone's happy, so i can grow to love others. others being happy. big round circle of love. true love conquers all.